ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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