Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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