She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
