she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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