I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
