you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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