He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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