My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
