You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
