Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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