: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize