You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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