so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
