we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n