I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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