So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet