Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
