Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
