she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
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My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.