He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
