i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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