your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize
