Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
