I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
