You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
