I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
