I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Never joke about your clitoris.
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