We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
