I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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