If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
