I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
