I just made out with a guy for $7.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
