Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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