We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
