found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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