Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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