I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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