We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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