I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
