I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
