Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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