This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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