He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Soap is not a condiment
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
