Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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