So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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