You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
