Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
