I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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