We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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