You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
