You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
