the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
