I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
