how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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