do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
