last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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