I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
why does every cop we meet know your name?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
