my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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