if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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