I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
