My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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