I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
