the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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