god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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