i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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