sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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