New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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