I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
