Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
