I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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