the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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