did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
