Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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