I met the friendliest cop last night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
