My sheets look like a crime scene.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
