im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize