I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
