Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
