You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
