So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
