I just saw a hot homeless man
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
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