Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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